The Last Outer Space Commercial


What on earth has gravity to do with you earthling?
Just cause you say you want to float.
Yet you’re always complaining, earth person,
so you’re stuck there on the ground…
where you mope.

Listen, I’m sincere, earth person.
This is just between me, you and
about seven billion

Gravity is a grave situation,
a heavy feeling holding you to the ground.
At least that’s the impression you’ve been saddled with
ever since you fell short with the ball on 3rd down.
How will you get ahead?
How will you even possibly
manage your way out of bed?

You need
area 54 inspired
patent pending
extra special
You need
foot covering
mountain climbing
cloud hovering
river running
chase away the blues

Sneakers that don’t hold you down
like the shoes most of the
rest of your fellow 7 billion own.
For a limited time only
you can get the left one
and for the low low cost of
a very small separate shipping and handling fee…
you can own the right one too!

They’re the
sneakers of your dreams.
You’ll run so fast your feet will glow at night.
Don’t let anyone else on the block get them first.
If they do, you can be sure it’ll keep you
from flying as high as you might.

So the clock is counting down.
We know you have some money left on that card
Don’t be like those other clowns!
Buy, buy, buy!!
Before they’re not around.

© Joel Tipple

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