I feel hornswoggled,
I went to a dinner billed
I was looking forward
to food extra clean,
one of those magazines
full of people healthy
enough to fly,
guys too strong to die.
After sitting down though,
I was filled with dread.
At the top of the menu
was something called
I got a funny feeling,
so I Googled the word.
Something in my stomach
began to churn.
I then bolted for the door
in a full fledged panic
Because I then fully knew
what my friend meant by
I believed that the bamboo I purchased at “Cheap But Awesome Bamboo Flooring” would be the bamboo of my dreams. It was not. I have come to the unfortunate, but inescapable conclusion that I have been… bamboozled.
“There, that’s done,” Clay breathed a sigh of relief as he and Lori left the real estate office in Bandon, Oregon after signing the lease for
the latest All Hope Ministries outreach center. “Clay,” Lori said, “there’s something you might not have considered when you picked this particular city for the next All Hope.” Clay’s brows drew together. “What’s that?” he said. The corner of her mouth lifted just a little. “Well, you know how you answer the phone in San Francisco? San Francisco, All Hope.” “Sure,” Clay said, “and in Portland we answer, Portland, All Hope. So in Bandon we would
say… Oh!” He shook his head and laughed quietly. “Okay, we’ll have to adjust that.”
There once was a village
set below the dragon mountains,
that lived in harmony with the beasts,
despite their fiery reputation.
But then one day a grumpy dragon
by the name of Malfeasadex,
displayed such destructive behavior
like torching crops and the community hall,
that the people were quite perplexed,
and so put out the call…
…to a famous dragon whisperer,
by the moniker of Dragon breath Pete,
who lived near Mid-Evil Falls,
which was the county seat.
So Pete set up a meeting
with grumpy Malfeasadex,
to determine why the dragon
had been so awfully vexed.
It turned out Mal. had a habit
of eating pizza and drinking rum,
which gave him terrible heart-burn,
which for a dragon is a conundrum.
So to cure the dragon’s pain
and remove his awful wrath,
the town henceforth sent tribute
of huge quantities of ant-acid
which put him back on the peaceful path.
The Joint Chiefs will issue a policy statement tomorrow regarding military personnel and their use of social media during battlefield operations. The statement will be titled: “No Retweet, No Surrender.”